My "babies"

If you've ever heard me talk about my students you've heard me refer to them as my "babies." Generally at this point in the school year I am tired and ready to have my summer break, but the end of the year is so bittersweet for me. I always fall in love with my students and it is always so difficult to say good-bye to them. I love my students, I see the good in them, I root for them; I think about them on the weekends and I miss them when we have Christmas/Easter break. When they are in pain, I am in pain. When they have a celebration, I celebrate with them. Each one of my students is talented, beautiful and lovely. They all have sweet qualities about them and generally they make my life so much fuller. I'm not going to lie and say that I always enjoy them or that they behave perfectly for me, but they are mine. Yes I have days where I get irritated and sick of them asking me the same thing over and over, but at the end of the day, they have my heart. I feel lucky that God would entrust me with his children, for they are perfect in his sight. He created them exactly they way they are. I love them unconditionally.

I am not a parent yet, but I think that my students bring me as close to that role as possible. Until that day and as long as I am a teacher I'll always have tons of "babies." And I wouldn't have it any other way.

As luck would have it, I don't have to say goodbye to all my babies this year. I get to move up a grade and will have many of them next year.

Moral of the story--I am only excited about the return of summer!!!! The one month countdown begins!!!! WEO!

Absolute Surrender

My Wednesday night bible is currently studying the topic of Absolute Surrender, meaning we are studying how to completely surrender to God and his will for our lives. Now this isn't an easy topic and it isn't an easy thing to do and this past week God asked me to surrender some stuff to him and while it wasn't an easy week and crazy things happened. I feel closer to God because of my surrender to him.

I want to tell this story, and if no one on this planet reads it except for me, that's ok, but I want to write it so I don't forget......

A few blog posts back I wrote about my TWO missions trips this summer. I was very excited to go to both Cambodia and Detroit. I wrote in this post about the fact that God provided BOTH deposits and all the prayer and investment I was going to have to make. I was ready! The past two weeks I've had a stirring in my heart about going to Cambodia. Every time I'd pray about it I would feel termoil in my soul. I kept praying against the devil and his hand in any situation that was making me feel this way, but the feeling persisted. I kept praying and each time I did I felt more and more uneasy about it. I told myself, "you are probably scared of going, just stop worrying and get over it." As the days went on it just didn't feel right. Last Sunday we had our first Cambodia meeting where we were going to meet all the people who were going on the trip with us. From the first moment I walked into the room it didn't feel right. I prayed about it and just decided to let it go. Well after this meeting the feeling just got bigger and bigger. I decided I need to seek counsel and talked to both my Mother and a spiritual friend that I've know for a very long time and trust. Both of them told me to keep praying about it, but is sounded like God was calling me out of the mission. On Tuesday night I decided to head to church early (going to School of Ministry) and spend an hour in prayer over the situation. The second I walk into the prayer room the facilitator of the room is talking about the fact that someone in the room needed to give something up. She proceeded to pray over the person/people in the room and said that we shouldn't beat ourselves up and that we need not let Satan bother us, but that the "person" in the room should give this thing up. I knew that she was talking directly to me and that God was speaking through her. I knew that this was my confirmation. I decided to let the mission go (with God's permission). I wrote the leader of the trip and felt an immediate peace come upon me. I hadn't had peace like that all week. I felt God's presence and his love and I knew I had made the right decision. This story gets better--I went home that evening and I opened my Absolute Surrender book and wouldn't you know the study was on not walking where God doesn't set for you. That we need to focus on walking in God's power and his provision because that is the path he will bless. As if I needed more confirmation he was giving it to me. I serve an amazing God! He gently told me to give it up, he reminded me that he has plans for me but that this wasn't it, and he did it in such a loving manner (I am not one to quit things and quitting this was tough!)

Now I don't know why I would feel so strongly like I was supposed to go to Cambodia just for it to be taken away. I was sad and a bit disappointed about not going. I LOVE travel and I LOVE adventure and I LOVE serving the Lord, so naturally I am the perfect person to go on a mission. Maybe he was seeing if I'd submit, maybe it was a test, OR maybe he is preparing my heart for something else. What ever it was, I learned that GOD is SO amazing. He loves me so much that he would care about me and my life. I may not be destined for Cambodia, but I DO have a destiny. My destiny doesn't include Cambodia, but I do know that the plan that God has for me and my life is amazing.

I am excited to get to spend more time this summer with my students pouring into their lives. I am excited to get to spend this summer getting to know more about God and his ways. I am SO excited to get to go to DETROIT! YUP, I am still going on that mission (unless God tells me otherwise).

"I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to give you a future and a hope"

--my hope is in you Lord.

The “mean” teacher…..

I have now been officially a teacher for almost three years and in these three years in the educational setting I have learned a thing or two (or maybe a million!) about teaching and all that is required to impact students. When I was just a beginning teacher starting out on my path I thought that a good teacher was the “mean” teacher. I didn’t really know what went into managing 25+ students at the same time and my college career didn’t fully prepare me for the things that I would need to know to successfully make all my students fall in line with what I wanted them to do. Sure college gave me ideas on what rules and procedures to put into place, like, giving students numbers, or clearly posting the expectations and practicing them at the beginning of the year….blah, blah, blah! Yes, these things are beneficial and I’ve used many of the tools I’ve learned over the years successfully in the classroom, but what school didn’t prepare me for is actually getting students to do what you ask. Now this is an issue I will deal with until the day I hang up my teacher hat and retire, but I feel I have a better understanding of what it takes now than I have in the past. Back to the original intent, THE MEAN TEACHER...when I first started out I thought I had to be MEAN. I thought the way to get students to listen and obey was to be firm and strict and make them follow along. You can ask my mother about my first year of teaching and how I was the “drill sergeant” teacher. Now I wasn’t all mean, I am not that type of person and it never sat well with me. I didn’t get into teaching to make students cry (which is what I have witnessed over the years). I didn’t get into teaching to have the “perfect” class either. I went into teaching to make an impact. I have learned that in order to be the best teacher you must be YOU. Seems like an easy lesson, right? What I mean by that is something I may attempt to do in my class may not work in another class, BUT students are smart. They are smarter than most of us give them credit for and if you head into the class trying to be something you are not, the students will see that. Of course there are times when you must bust out the “teacher voice” or the “teacher look.” I am not saying that teaching is all about roses and lavender, many days it feels like a war zone that I am a casualty of, but I never try to be someone else. I love my students, I want the best for them, and because of that I need to be the teacher that listens, I need to be the teacher that accepts them, I need to be the teacher that loves them. Because my goal is to make them believe in themselves and their ability to be a success I cannot be the “mean” one. It isn’t my personality anyway. I don’t have the perfect class, I am not that teacher that says, “do this” and my students scramble around because they fear me and maybe I should be like that, but I’m not. I have the class that is a bit chatty, but they feel comfortable asking me questions, I have the class that respects me, but makes mistakes and when they make a mistake they can tell me. I have the class that will work HARD for me because they love me (ok maybe not all of them love me, but at least 75% do=) I am sure as the years go on and I learn more and more about myself and about students I will have that class that is “perfect” but if they ever fear me or fear making a mistake in my room I think have failed them. Learning is scary, but I must inspire them to venture into the unknown.

Easter and the end of March.....

I feel like I have done a fairly good job in updating this blog over the past month...I sort of fell off when I came back from spring break and its been 2 weeks since my last post, but I am TRYING!! So here is a quick update on the happenings the past two weeks.....

Easter--what can I say about Easter except it was a wonderful time of reflections, connections, and renewal. I don't think that I have ever truly taken the time during Easter to sit and reflect and pray about the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. This Easter I took time out of each day and prayed, meditated and spent time with the Lord. It was a wonderful time of reflection. I went to the Good Friday service at WOL and it was a blessed time. I stopped and God kept giving me sorrow. He kept reminding me how sad He was and  how confusing it would be for the disciples after Jesus died. They were told that the Kingdom of God would be destroyed and rebuilt in three days and then Jesus just up and died. I am sure the agonizing loss and sorrow they must have felt those three days was beyond anything we will experience on this earth. The bible doesn't really say what happened in those black days without Jesus, but just to think about how terrible it must have been, how Mary and the followers of Jesus must have been mocked and ridiculed and they had to sit in humility because they didn't truly understand what had happened. How they must have questioned what happened and if Jesus was the son of God. I can't imagine what I would have thought or what I would have done. We live in this present and even though I was reflecting I kept thinking about HOPE and how we don't have to go through those terrible days. We get to remember and be sorrowful but we have the hope of Easter. We already know the promise of a eternal life. On Easter I felt like I was supposed to get up and go to the sunrise service. It was magnificent to feel the sun come up and know that Jesus was RISEN! That the bible says that He was risen before the sun came up, and we get up at sunrise to symbolize the fact that the Angel was sitting on the door of the tomb before sunrise! It was truly a day of joyful celebration. Easter will never be the same for me again, this year was such a blessing to get to celebrate in true remembrance. After church (I went to 2 services because I wanted to keep celebrating!), I took some time and prayed and took in the joy that was given to me. Then I went to celebrate at my usual Easter spot my Tia Lollie's house. We potluck, egg hunt, and have a fabulous time. It was truly a wonderful day.

The day after Easter we went back to school.....hence the two week silence.....It has been a crazy two weeks.....but I will get to that in another post.


I hope you all had a wonderful Easter, I just wish I took some pictures....the following are from the church services.

 Forgiven. Amen!

HE IS RISEN. HE IS RISEN INDEED.