I want to tell this story, and if no one on this planet reads it except for me, that's ok, but I want to write it so I don't forget......
A few blog posts back I wrote about my TWO missions trips this summer. I was very excited to go to both Cambodia and Detroit. I wrote in this post about the fact that God provided BOTH deposits and all the prayer and investment I was going to have to make. I was ready! The past two weeks I've had a stirring in my heart about going to Cambodia. Every time I'd pray about it I would feel termoil in my soul. I kept praying against the devil and his hand in any situation that was making me feel this way, but the feeling persisted. I kept praying and each time I did I felt more and more uneasy about it. I told myself, "you are probably scared of going, just stop worrying and get over it." As the days went on it just didn't feel right. Last Sunday we had our first Cambodia meeting where we were going to meet all the people who were going on the trip with us. From the first moment I walked into the room it didn't feel right. I prayed about it and just decided to let it go. Well after this meeting the feeling just got bigger and bigger. I decided I need to seek counsel and talked to both my Mother and a spiritual friend that I've know for a very long time and trust. Both of them told me to keep praying about it, but is sounded like God was calling me out of the mission. On Tuesday night I decided to head to church early (going to School of Ministry) and spend an hour in prayer over the situation. The second I walk into the prayer room the facilitator of the room is talking about the fact that someone in the room needed to give something up. She proceeded to pray over the person/people in the room and said that we shouldn't beat ourselves up and that we need not let Satan bother us, but that the "person" in the room should give this thing up. I knew that she was talking directly to me and that God was speaking through her. I knew that this was my confirmation. I decided to let the mission go (with God's permission). I wrote the leader of the trip and felt an immediate peace come upon me. I hadn't had peace like that all week. I felt God's presence and his love and I knew I had made the right decision. This story gets better--I went home that evening and I opened my Absolute Surrender book and wouldn't you know the study was on not walking where God doesn't set for you. That we need to focus on walking in God's power and his provision because that is the path he will bless. As if I needed more confirmation he was giving it to me. I serve an amazing God! He gently told me to give it up, he reminded me that he has plans for me but that this wasn't it, and he did it in such a loving manner (I am not one to quit things and quitting this was tough!)
Now I don't know why I would feel so strongly like I was supposed to go to Cambodia just for it to be taken away. I was sad and a bit disappointed about not going. I LOVE travel and I LOVE adventure and I LOVE serving the Lord, so naturally I am the perfect person to go on a mission. Maybe he was seeing if I'd submit, maybe it was a test, OR maybe he is preparing my heart for something else. What ever it was, I learned that GOD is SO amazing. He loves me so much that he would care about me and my life. I may not be destined for Cambodia, but I DO have a destiny. My destiny doesn't include Cambodia, but I do know that the plan that God has for me and my life is amazing.
"I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to give you a future and a hope"
--my hope is in you Lord.
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